By Harry Gold.
It was reported earlier this week that Michael Bay would be producing a Dora The Explorer movie for Paramount.
Let that sink in for a moment!
Michael Bay is the director of the Transformers movie franchise (2007 – present) , as well as Armageddon (1998) and Pearl Harbour (2001). Since the mid 2000s, he’s become notorious for making content which would more accurately be described as “two-and-a-half-hour explosions”, rather than “films”.
Dora The Explorer (2000-2014) was an insipid excuse for a cartoon that aired on Nickelodeon and used its pre-school target audience as an excuse to avoid having to put any kind of effort into its scripts. It was gooey, kid-friendly edu-tainment (sans the ‘-tainment’ part) featuring a bug-eyed Hispanic girl and a stupid purple monkey. But, apparently the kiddies liked it.
Now, if this collision of a “teenage-to-young-adult-male” oriented Director and a “2-6 year-old children, especially girls” oriented property strikes you as something out of a Twilight Zone / Bizarro World crossover, you are not alone.
After the initial reveal, Paramount went on to clarify that it is Michael Bay’s production company, Platinum Dunes, who will be making the film, and Bay himself is probably not involved. The story would seem to reclaim some sanity upon this revelation, until you find out that Platinum Dunes mostly just makes (and re-makes) horror movies. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) plus prequel; Friday the 13th (2009); A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010); The Purge (2013) and its three sequels; and a great many more. They also made those two Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles films. You know, the ones where they had lips and noses? Yech.
The final dot-point could kinda go either way; the man writing the film is Nick Stoller, also a fairly prominent director. On the one hand, he wrote The Muppets (2011) – a family-friendly Disney movie. On the other, he directed Neighbours (2014) – an R-rated Seth Rogen / Zac Effron comedy.
Oh, and jokes aside, Paramount has said they plan to “age up” Dora in the movie. Make of that what you will.